Stage Two: Fear

Why is she not answering her phone? Is it off? Is it dead?

That's it. It must be dead, I'll try her again later.

Or...

I just hope she's ok, I mean, hey I love her. If anything happened to her, I'd be crushed.

(Again, sane stuff for last)

Day Two, or is it One and a Half?: I realize that this may seem rather silly, it's only been 40 odd hours, but you have to understand that I believe that this is much more than just a normal relationship. It's so much more. It's the kind where a second away from you is too much. A day away seems like a life time. And a day in which I get to see you is a day of which I would walk over hot ashes for.

I was away from you for 10 days earlier last month. That was different, though. That was me going away, being distracted by my vacation. This time, I'm not distracted by the vast ocean and the task at hand, sailing. My mind is left alone to think about you.

Please come home soon. Please. I miss you. I miss you so so so much. Even in saying that, I'm not saying what I really want. It's much more. I ... I need you.

Le sigh, I guess I just have to wait a little longer. :(

Love you,

Tyler

Stage One: Denial

She says she's gone. She says she's in Ontario. I don't think so. Perhaps I'll try calling her, ... you know, to tell her goodnight. She'll pick up, of course, because she's not gone.

I mean, she would never do this sort of thing to me. She would never leave me for a week, a day, a minute.

I guess I'll just sit here, waiting, hoping that she'll sign on to MSN. Then we'll talk late into the night as we always do.

---------------------------

(Of course, I know you're actually gone, but for the sake of entertainment for both parties, I choose to write from the perspective of the cray person first and leave the sane comments and thoughts until after the disclaimer)

So basically it's been what? 11:00 hours? Something like that? Already, even with your comforting texts and assurance that you'll be fine, I'm worrying. I'm worrying about something happening to her and me not being able to see her or help her.

*sigh*

I guess I'm just succumbing to paranoia. That damn. Vile. Thing.

I miss you. I miss you like I've never missed anyone before. This feeling of emptiness, misdirection, and separation fills my heart. It doesn't feel right when I can't even tell you I love you before I head off to bed. It feels wrong that I can't talk to you at all.

It feels wrong. But I know this is right.

I want to be with you, even when I know I can't. I want to hold you, even when I know it's impossible. I would even settle for a "goodnight love" from her, or to her, but I know that's also impossible.

It's 11:11.

I want to make a wish for something bold and touching like world peace or something along those lines. But nothing comes to mind. All I can think about is you. All I can think about is the times we've spend together. All the moments and firsts we've had. Just... You.

So all in all, I'm wishing for you. I'm wishing for you to have fun, be safe, and... well you know the last one, it's the same one I've wished for every night for the last three months.

Karly, darling, angel, my everything.

I love you, ... forever and for always.