The Final, Unnamed, Stage

So basically, it's been three days without seeing you. I know, we've gone longer than that before, but it's just something about this time that's different. I just can't place it, though.

Maybe it's the fact that this is the first time that you have gone away, and not me. When you went to New York, it was different as we weren't as close as we are now. Nowhere even close. Boy have we come leaps and bounds since then. It pains me to think that visits from you will be far and in between during the coming months, something that I'm not looking forward too.

I guess I'll just have to trust that, in the end, we'll love each other and we'll pull through.

It's been a long three days without you. I miss you visiting me during lunch. I miss being able to get on the train after work with the knowledge that you're waiting to pick me up on the other side. I miss cuddling on the couch and watching a movie with you. I miss walking Cadence with you. I miss... I miss... I miss you, more than anything. I hate being away from you, I hate not being able to see you. I hate when you leave. I would kill for any sort of communication from you right now, a text, a call, a letter, an email... Facebook message.

Alas, it's almost over. Tomorrow you come home and you can tell me all about your adventures. I want to hear about whatever you did in that hole-in-the-map; I just want to talk to you. I can't wait, literally. I've been going to bed early in the hopes that tomorrow would come sooner, not that it ever could (but that's just how silly I am). I've been sleeping 'til noon, in the hopes that I could run out the clock a little more every day. Again, not that it made a difference. I've tried, to no avail, to think of something else, to take my mind off this lonely world and onto something happy and intriguing. Anything to make the days go by faster. Anything.

I guess... No, I know, that I love you more than anything else in this world. I love you more than anyone else has ever loved another. It's more than just petty "love". It's really, 100%, Canadian Brewed, Love. It's something that only comes along once in a millenia. Something that only presents itself to those that deserve it most. Something that... Something that we have. Some might call us lucky... I just call it destiny.

I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you.

Stage Three: Crazy

It's the kind of crazy...

It's the kind that gets my heart beating faster whenever I see a black Volkswagon.

It's the kind that keeps me glued to my MSN or phone in the hopes that it'll ring or a message will come through from you.

It's the kind that makes me think of you 24/7.

It's the kind that makes me go to bed at night sad that I didn't get to see you that day.

It's the kind that can only exist because you're not here.

It's...

It's the kind of crazy that makes me love you and miss you more than I've ever missed or loved anyone before.

It was love. Now, it's much more.

Stage Two: Fear

Why is she not answering her phone? Is it off? Is it dead?

That's it. It must be dead, I'll try her again later.

Or...

I just hope she's ok, I mean, hey I love her. If anything happened to her, I'd be crushed.

(Again, sane stuff for last)

Day Two, or is it One and a Half?: I realize that this may seem rather silly, it's only been 40 odd hours, but you have to understand that I believe that this is much more than just a normal relationship. It's so much more. It's the kind where a second away from you is too much. A day away seems like a life time. And a day in which I get to see you is a day of which I would walk over hot ashes for.

I was away from you for 10 days earlier last month. That was different, though. That was me going away, being distracted by my vacation. This time, I'm not distracted by the vast ocean and the task at hand, sailing. My mind is left alone to think about you.

Please come home soon. Please. I miss you. I miss you so so so much. Even in saying that, I'm not saying what I really want. It's much more. I ... I need you.

Le sigh, I guess I just have to wait a little longer. :(

Love you,

Tyler

Stage One: Denial

She says she's gone. She says she's in Ontario. I don't think so. Perhaps I'll try calling her, ... you know, to tell her goodnight. She'll pick up, of course, because she's not gone.

I mean, she would never do this sort of thing to me. She would never leave me for a week, a day, a minute.

I guess I'll just sit here, waiting, hoping that she'll sign on to MSN. Then we'll talk late into the night as we always do.

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(Of course, I know you're actually gone, but for the sake of entertainment for both parties, I choose to write from the perspective of the cray person first and leave the sane comments and thoughts until after the disclaimer)

So basically it's been what? 11:00 hours? Something like that? Already, even with your comforting texts and assurance that you'll be fine, I'm worrying. I'm worrying about something happening to her and me not being able to see her or help her.

*sigh*

I guess I'm just succumbing to paranoia. That damn. Vile. Thing.

I miss you. I miss you like I've never missed anyone before. This feeling of emptiness, misdirection, and separation fills my heart. It doesn't feel right when I can't even tell you I love you before I head off to bed. It feels wrong that I can't talk to you at all.

It feels wrong. But I know this is right.

I want to be with you, even when I know I can't. I want to hold you, even when I know it's impossible. I would even settle for a "goodnight love" from her, or to her, but I know that's also impossible.

It's 11:11.

I want to make a wish for something bold and touching like world peace or something along those lines. But nothing comes to mind. All I can think about is you. All I can think about is the times we've spend together. All the moments and firsts we've had. Just... You.

So all in all, I'm wishing for you. I'm wishing for you to have fun, be safe, and... well you know the last one, it's the same one I've wished for every night for the last three months.

Karly, darling, angel, my everything.

I love you, ... forever and for always.

A First of Many.

Work... Finally.

I thought it would be enjoyable, but by 2:30 I found myself checking the clock way to often.

First day of ... two months. The only benefit? Lunch time.

An hour to call her, to eat, and to wonder around between the tall buildings of the downtown core.

"Good Afternoon, Paramount Energy...", over and over and over.

Goodnights are Never Enough.

I say it, everytime, like it's going to be my last. Even if I know, that in a few short hours, I'll see you again.

It's never enough...

Never enough.

It's just that Feeling.

Hands cold, stomach in a knot, feet shifting.

You enter the room.

Brain: Not functional.